Snow, So Very Much Snow

Okay, so, you'd think, living where I do, I'd be used to snow, right? Well, I am. But being used to it and enjoying it are two different things.

I don't know anyone who enjoys driving through a foot or two of snow, cowering behind the wheel and praying to anything and everything that you don't have to pass someone because you KNOW you'll end up in the ditch.

Out here because of the drifts the snow is three feet deep or more in places.

We're expecting another 15 centimeters this weekend.

I can't wait to move.

Oh Crap

I forgot...I have no willpower. And I think I'm some kind of sadomasochist. Either that or I just hate myself for some reason known only to the universe.

So, ask me, did I eat yesterday? No, not really. I had a couple handfuls of chips and a glass or two of fruit punch. In my defence, I was not even remotely hungry. It's been a really long and stressful and sad week and I take my emotions out on my appetite. Then today started...40 minutes late...and between taking care of the animals and showering and getting my ass out the door to catch the bus I may have kinda sorta skipped breakfast.

Did you know that when you deprive your body of nutrition for a day it will tell you in a not so subtle way to fuck right off? Yes, it does. In my case, it lets me get halfway to the bus stop before informing me that it's going to abuse me the way I have abused it. I started feeling faint about halfway through my five minute drive but I figured that was just the stupid early wake up time and it would pass and I'd be fine. And I was. For about another three minutes. I parked my car and sat down on the bus and we got moving. And I started feeling sick. As in sweating, hypersalivating, Iamgoingtothrowupohgodohgod sick. On public transit. I made it downtown before I started retching. But, since I skipped breakfast, I could do nothing more than dry heave. Classy, I know.

I walked the last six blocks to school. In what I think was about -20 Celsius, give or take. The sad part is, I was running so hot I think the weather was saving my life. Or at least keeping me conscious.

The worst part about feeling like hell like that is that you don't want to eat. But you need to, because your body is so starved that your blood sugar is totally fucked and if you don't eat you'll get sicker. But because you feel sicker you don't want to eat. Worst. Vicious cycle. EVER.

I forced down half a bagel during my first class, and some apple juice, and started feeling a bit better. Then I started feeling pukey again. So I skipped lunch. Yes, sadomasochist. So now I'm home and I've had a pizza pocket and some coke and it seems to be sitting okay but I don't know if I should brave eating or not...I probably should just say the hell with it and eat and see what happens.

Is there some kind of eating disorder where you don't consciously starve yourself or make yourself throw up? Or some kind of metabolic disorder/GI disease/food allergy/whatever that causes things like this? Or am I just a moron?

I'm going with moron.

A New Year...

I've never been one for New Year's resolutions. I don't make them because I don't keep them. Let's face it, who does? Everyone makes resolutions to lose weight, work out more, eat healthier, etc. Well, here's my reality check. This isn't so much a resolution as it is a realization. I need to take my health back. I am 5 foot 7 and weigh somewhere around 115 pounds.

I realize how stupid that sounds, and I should start by saying I am not overweight. I am underweight. My eating habits are terrible and ever since I quit dancing I don't work out. I'm skinny because I eat like crap and I have a fast metabolism. I don't eat enough, and what I do eat isn't quality. So I want to set a goal for myself.

I want to meet with a nutritionist, and figure out a better diet for myself. I want to meet with a trainer and figure out some kind of routine so that I can gain some muscle mass. I want to meet with my doctor and make sure there aren't any underlying health issues, like a food allergy (evidence points to lactose intolerance, but I have never been tested for anything along those lines).

So let's let 2011 be the year I take it all back. I am going to get healthy, and I am going to stay healthy. I am going to start by gaining ten pounds and making a point of eating better. I will not eat three meals a day, but rather several smaller meals from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. I will drink more water. I will start sleeping through the night again. I will be sick much less often. I will ask about multivitamins or supplements I should be taking, as well as any deficiencies I might be suffering from.

Happy New Year. Let's kick 2011's ass.