Hair Wars

So. I live on a horse farm. This, of course, means that we have more than just horses running around. At least they're outside/in the barn. A separate building. Their hair can be avoided. We have, however, two cats living in that barn. They're sweet little tabby things and they are very very cuddly and lovable but of course this means they shed all over your clothes and then you come in the house and bring said cat hair with you.

But wait! It gets better! We also have, living in the main house, three cats (yes, three, it's ridiculous, really, but they were all strays...ok, one from the SPCA but that still counts, and well, there are five people living here so it's not just me turning into a 22 year old crazy cat lady) and they shed like it's going out of style or something. And best yet, we have two dogs. Not neat little non-shedding breeds that like to cuddle without turning your black pants the color of fur. No no. One, my sweet little Harmony, is a Golden Retriever (a breed about which I cannot say enough good things. I love her. She is amazing) and Bear (I call him Behemoth or Diablo, depending on the day) is a 110 pound solid muscle Bernese Mountain dog. So yes, fur abounds around here. No amount of vacuuming will ever rid us of it all. Save me from the pet hair.

You know it's been a slow, kind of sad weekend when you expound on pet hair for no apparent reason.

I think I'm simply trying to distract myself from the epic sad failure that seems to be my life lately. I cannot deal with it, people. Need people to come home, need school to end, and most of all NEED MONEY so that I can move away from this place.

I don't like it here. I don't like the weather, I don't like most of the people, and I really don't like that it seems to have turned me into this whiny little pain in the ass who can't seem to find something happy to focus on (Hi! I'm Sparky! I complain!) UGH.

That being said, one more month and I'll be in my practicum and I really am almost there but JESUS this -30 weather is keeping me housebound and lonely and some days I think I should just find a therapist and be done with it already.

I make such good impressions on people, I know. If you stayed with me this far, please, get yourself a cookie. Or some cake. Ooh, or creme brulee. Yup, it's lunchtime.

**Dear Agony - Breaking Benjamin**

Let Me Explain

No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

This has been a really, really terrible month. If I could go back two years and give past me some advice, it would be to suck up the crippling fear of rejection and say something to JD like, the second time we hung out. Waiting to get together until two weeks before he moved home...not wise. See, if I'd said something, maybe the whole moving home thing could've been...I don't know, rearranged? And yes, I am a horribly selfish person for even THINKING it, let alone saying it out loud but God, it's been almost two years and these days I just feel like my heart is breaking a little bit at a time. Like by the time I'm done things here and we're finally able to be together, we'll both be so tired of everything that it will all just...fall apart.

Don't do long distance relationships. He's worth it but...it's just hard.

Tomorrow's my last day of school before Reading Week and great dear God I am excited. I only have to work 4 out of the 9 days, and two of those shifts are only four hours long. I plan to do a whole lot of nothing for most of it, sleep and play video games. I'll probably clean the house at the end of that week, because by then it'll be less than a week till my parents come home (did I mention they're in Scottsdale? Yeah, they have desert and warmth and sunshine and we...we have -22 degrees celsius) and I don't want my mom to have to deal with...this. I went all Molly Maid a little bit before grocery shopping last weekend and I cleaned out the fridge and freezer, which REALLY needed to be done. And I remembered to take the garbage out on Tuesday morning (again in the bitter fucking cold) and I think my mom would be so proud. Now if I can just remember to take care of my damn car, and get this assignment done for school tomorrow (assignment due in thirteen and a half hours. No, I haven't started. Yes, I am a good student, why do you ask?).

If we didn't have horses I wouldn't have a problem taking care of things on my own. Minus the fact that the giant Bernese mountain dog discovered he can jump the fence and now we can't keep him in the yard and we can't leave him alone in the house because he'll destroy anything and everything he can get his teeth on (he ate at least two loaves of bread and broke the teapot in a span of like three days). My little Retriever is awesome though, best dog ever. Again, though, she can't be left alone all day but that's because she's 9 and a half and her little bladder just isn't capable of holding out that long.

I don't want to go into the last few weeks. They've been cold and depressing and lonely. At least, after reading week, I will have two and a half weeks until finals. Three weeks until my practicum starts. I am almost there. I graduate in four months.

I miss my mommy.