This has been a really, really terrible month. If I could go back two years and give past me some advice, it would be to suck up the crippling fear of rejection and say something to JD like, the second time we hung out. Waiting to get together until two weeks before he moved home...not wise. See, if I'd said something, maybe the whole moving home thing could've been...I don't know, rearranged? And yes, I am a horribly selfish person for even THINKING it, let alone saying it out loud but God, it's been almost two years and these days I just feel like my heart is breaking a little bit at a time. Like by the time I'm done things here and we're finally able to be together, we'll both be so tired of everything that it will all just...fall apart.
Don't do long distance relationships. He's worth it but...it's just hard.
Tomorrow's my last day of school before Reading Week and great dear God I am excited. I only have to work 4 out of the 9 days, and two of those shifts are only four hours long. I plan to do a whole lot of nothing for most of it, sleep and play video games. I'll probably clean the house at the end of that week, because by then it'll be less than a week till my parents come home (did I mention they're in Scottsdale? Yeah, they have desert and warmth and sunshine and we...we have -22 degrees celsius) and I don't want my mom to have to deal with...this. I went all Molly Maid a little bit before grocery shopping last weekend and I cleaned out the fridge and freezer, which REALLY needed to be done. And I remembered to take the garbage out on Tuesday morning (again in the bitter fucking cold) and I think my mom would be so proud. Now if I can just remember to take care of my damn car, and get this assignment done for school tomorrow (assignment due in thirteen and a half hours. No, I haven't started. Yes, I am a good student, why do you ask?).
If we didn't have horses I wouldn't have a problem taking care of things on my own. Minus the fact that the giant Bernese mountain dog discovered he can jump the fence and now we can't keep him in the yard and we can't leave him alone in the house because he'll destroy anything and everything he can get his teeth on (he ate at least two loaves of bread and broke the teapot in a span of like three days). My little Retriever is awesome though, best dog ever. Again, though, she can't be left alone all day but that's because she's 9 and a half and her little bladder just isn't capable of holding out that long.
I don't want to go into the last few weeks. They've been cold and depressing and lonely. At least, after reading week, I will have two and a half weeks until finals. Three weeks until my practicum starts. I am almost there. I graduate in four months.
I miss my mommy.
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