I hate feeling so fucking isolated. It's kind of self imposed really but the problem is that I just have a hard time caring anymore. I don't enjoy the company of the people I used to and frankly I would rather spend the night alone by myself with a movie and my laptop than I would with other people. I miss my boyfriend severely, having not seen him in over a month (37 days to be precise) and that's wearing me down too. I just discovered there's virtually no chance of seeing him till Reading Week - in FEBRUARY. I said goodbye to him at the airport on August 31. Does anyone else see the problem here? It hurts enough to be away for a couple months, but five and a half? Am I strong enough for that? It doesn't help that he's getting sick and so I know he's going to be kind of out of it for a few days and I can't be there to bring him soup and be the cheesy girlfriend that just wants him to get better. I wish school were done so I could just move out there and be done already, this distance is seriously ruining me. And it's not that I don't think he's worth it, because I do. We've made it through almost a year and a half and if you total it up, we've had...let's see...six weeks actually together? Maybe? Something like that. It's rough, and I spend a lot of time missing him and I'm just tired. I'm tired of feeling alone, like I'm missing something, like someone punched a hole in my chest and tore my heart out and is holding it hostage. I hate this city and I'm tired of living here, I don't want to be here anymore. In all honesty, I can sum it up in four words: I am not happy. I know how to be, and there are things that make me happy for moments at a time, but as a whole I'm not happy with my current situation. There are just too many things I would like to change.
First and foremost, I'd like to stop randomly bursting into tears for no real reason. There's no shoulder for me to cry on anyway.
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